Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love Through The Shatterings


It was almost two years ago that I lost my Mom to the dreaded illness of cancer. She suffered long in silence and by the time we realized she was not well she was far past any medical help that we were aware of.
She lived a strong and family oriented life and gave up everything she could otherwise aspire in this life for her own children, home and generations to come. She was a very brilliant woman. Well read, well informed, and very mechanically and logically minded. She learned to cook like a Chef in those early years and she honed that skill over years of Sunday dinners and Holiday gatherings.
My Mom was married for over 55 years to her only husband, my Dad who truly was not the easiest man to live that long with. They had a less than perfect marriage but she stayed. He stayed. They argued and had issues that even the best of us would have given up and left that relationship in the dust. Their children often wondered why they were still together. Their unhappiness was openly apparent.
At the hospital in those few last days....I saw my Mother and Father come together with a hand clasp and a kiss that sent me out of the room, tears streaming and unable to even understand the picture before me. Why now? After all those years....why then?
Love takes all forms and in the final acts, the final seasons of life it springs from withered rose petals and wrinkled paper to something that was always there underneath the nettles and weeds that pricked and drew blood. It was this way for my parents. I never would have thought there was any love there at all. I rarely if ever saw any outward signs of affection and never heard the words that one would whisper tenderly to one's beloved. It was all about staying together for us, us kids......our interests....
On this Valentine's Day I find myself reminiscing of past events in my parent's lives....I wonder if it was only about us....in my self-absorbed little world could there have been something that flickered between them to have them endure such a difficult and tumultuous relationship?
I cling to that.....I see my Dad wither each day, each week, each month.....lost in his frail body and mind and wonder if he is lost without her. His life, his wife....his beloved. I wonder if he waits and longs for his reunion with her.....I pray he does and that it is a joyous one!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Going swimming......really?





One person was swept into a river and remained missing and thousands more were without power in Quebec and the Maritime provinces as post-tropical storm Irene continued to wreak havoc. In New Brunswick, More than 50,000 were without electricity Monday morning. The hardest hit area was around Fredericton, where more than 13,000 customers were without power. Coastal Nova Scotia was also afflicted. Here a man wades into the waves of a storm surge at Lawrencetown beach, Nova Scotia, Aug. 29.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Confusion abounds.....but God


If one was confused about the path to Jesus, the funeral for Jack Layton might not shed any light on it. Although it was beautiful, enthusiastic and gut-wrenching at times, it was more of a political rally than a celebration of what is promised to those who love the Lord. It confused me and I thought I was pretty clear on things of that nature. Spirituality is a whole ball of tangled yarn to a messy world. I pray Jack finds himself in that promised place of perfection.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

All the world is a stage......


I am incredibly bad at keeping my ambitions to have this blog current.
I have come to a real desperate place in my life. I pass a lot of it off as middle age crazy......but God does have other ways for me to resolve some of the burning issues of my life. I have a real inclination to be distrustful of the masses around me. Everywhere around me is such dishonesty and disrespect and agenda playing that I basically do not believe anyone can or does tell the truth. Life is a big stage that the players are so badly broken that they never get to the real thing, the One thing. Talk is big and actions are bigger. The fault lies within us and around us. Back to the Garden, back to the Fall........the slithery snake of lies and deceit....I am resolved to be unresolved always. I am also the broken.....and the stage feels very awkward ....Sometimes I want no part of it and other times I wish I was a part of it, for lack of something different or of something more, of something real and honest. Is it out there......?

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Failed again......

Time is so precious to me at this stage of my life. Unfortunately there is not enough. I need to have Him work on that through me. I am in a state of constant doing and don't know how to get out of that. Many family commitments have I and sometimes I feel I am losing myself in those commitments. Can't seem to find my way around them but I will. He will help me.