Sunday, June 18, 2006
So it would be Father's Day today.
Went over to visit with my parents today. My dad is not this dad in the picture. Not even close.
It has taken me a lifetime to understand this. It will take me the rest of my life to understand this. My dad is having some serious health issues right now. He is passing out, falling and hurting himself when he falls. Right now he sports a shiner from a fall. This man is too proud to let us know this is going on. The evidence is hard to hide as of late. He is an isolated, lonely man who pretty much has been angry and bitter all of his life. He lives in his world unwilling to show emotions. He has always had a critical, judgemental, demeaning spirit about him. Growing up was difficult with such a man. Add alcoholism and an abusive nature....this is the picture. You get it, right? Tough man to love and trust and honour needless to say.
I have asked God to change my heart about this man who is my earthly father. Today, I saw the results of those prayers....He is older and tired and sad and scared and I felt Christ just showing me a new kind of love for this man today. As with all relationships ...... if they do not end up being what you long for, desire, expect and pray for.... they disappoint, tear apart and leave wounds that never heal without a holy balm. This is what I have to own...accept and know that in this and through this life with this man who is my father... he never would ever have measured up to my heavenly Father, anyway, and I could never have been the perfect daughter for him. God knows his heart, and God knows my heart on this ... My dad needs some help to see God.... he needs to see Jesus now, in this one simple vessel....and he needs to see Jesus reach out to him through this vessel.
It has taken way too long for me to come to this.
I like what Malcolm Smith says in his book, "Let God Love You".
"Once God's love has been communicated to us, we no longer need to look for approval from others or seek after their love to fill the emptiness and loneliness of our soul. We now know and understand that He is the love we have looked for all of our lives. His presence alone can satisfy and fill us at all times.... It is apparent as we live in the knowledge of God's love that the sadness, crabbiness, and meanness that is exhibited in people either arise from their ignorance of God's love for them or because they have rejected God's love. They do not know they are loved. However we do and treat them as such. We are able to love them because we are loved. We actually become God's love to them.....Living in the love of God through Jesus Christ is the life of a whole person. You rise each day knowing the meaning of your life and joyfully go about your business with a purpose. Your complete reliance on the One who supernaturally fills the limitless, eternal cavity in the center of your being makes every day a miracle!"
Interestingly enough, this is something that extends into every relationship in our life... parents, spouses, kids, friends and those people that are so difficult to love in our own strength. How cool that God brought this to me after talking to a good friend and sister in the Lord about the brokenness in our marriages and then today after seeing my dad....He knows just what I need to hear and when.
Jesus can do the loving of these people through me. He is changing my heart.... it is His heart within me that sees these people in the light of His love. In Him, this is possible, even when I think it is impossible.
Happy Father's Day! To my Heavenly Father, Abba .... and to my earthly dad....I pray he will come to an understanding of the love of the One True Father through this circumstance. Pray with me to this end, saints of God. Every day He brings me closer. Thank You, dear wonderful and loving Father.