Christ is my very life.....not those darn kids....

Deep breath in......slowly out..... So today, I have had some real sense of what "feeling" alone is like... like some of the other people in my life have experienced....I have had a kick in the butt today... ..that tells me I may have been living my life through my kids (just a tad), (stop nodding everybody), and I really needed to see this .....I cannot have any expectations met through them...I cannot look at them to fulfill anything in me ....through some weird mom type thing....I think I have done this for a long time... well, 7 years or so now...that I have been raising these kids alone.... and now the last of the ducklings are moving on....into their own lives....and whoa! revelation.....I am not alone....never alone...I know that...but always having had the kids to deal with, and live with and chill with and whatever.....I have not had to experience this 'aloneness', not yet ....not really...and today it just came to a real headwater within me.....I cannot continue to keep my 'busyness', with kids, grandkids.....work, the other work...etc...and anything else that keeps me from the One thing....the One thing ....that is of most importance and that is my Life that is Him....I am astounded how He continues to grow me up.....in Him....Him in me....and through me as me....and just when I think I have come to a comfortable place....something happens and I see a word or phrase in Scripture....with the unmistakable highlighter of the Holy Spirit on it....and it is for me.....He is speaking.....there is no comfort ...no place that I can rest.....except in Him.....always in Him. This body....this soul and all of this earthly life that I continue to TRY to live ......is nothing....this world system....is nothing.....I am only whole...and I only belong....eternally to Jesus....everything else may have it's blessing, and it may have it's curses....but it isn't who I am.....it doesn't bring me the Peace that is Jesus....the Life that is Jesus....the Truth that is Jesus.