Love so truly un-understandable

The old laws were left at the foot of the cross. Do we have new ones now? Don't we all have our own laws. The shoulds of whatever role we have in this life, grandmother, grandfather, mom, dad, daughter, son, sister, brother, friend, follower of Christ. We all probably have other laws. The unmentionable laws. Different, plentiful. The ones inside ourselves. Quiet thoughts and misthoughts, and desires, resentments and unspoken words that have a deep intensity in the dark places.....where no one sees...or hears. What we would like to be, in conflict with what is exhibited by ourselves. So we hide. Covering ....masking...smiling...even when we are dying inside. Even when we know who we really are in Christ....or do we? if we have these thoughts? I think so. I think we lapse into the darkness for instances, for moments, for minutes, for hours, for days, for weeks? Stay away from the intimacy of Father, ....or ignore Jesus as He speaks to you in your heart of hearts....or hesitate to follow the promptings of the Spirit.... stay away from the Word....what a very real darkness sets in then, yes? When we hide .... are we living in rebellion? Against the love and grace of a Mighty God? Yes, I guess, but you don't know what is inside hiding....you have no idea of the secret places that are hidden. Psalm 139:1-6 O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up. You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down. And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where does this love come from....day after day....despite the knowing us? It is only by Him that this can be somewhat understood in this earthly body. The Love piece is the unmatched ultimate for me to grasp onto. I have struggled with this for a long time. He is Love....that is what He is. How He loves ....so many ways and so perfectly and wondrously.....so unabashedly....so freely. It is unlimited and it is hard to conceive....in my mind. But I have the mind of Christ and I still cannot hold onto this Love notion for very long. How? Why? Me? You have got to be kidding? And yet as often as I contemplate this Love that was there for me before the foundation of the world...I return to be amazed, to be spent, to be brought to my knees, to rise to praise this Love that the Father has given to me through the ultimate sacrifice, my Jesus ....imagine....for me! Thank You Lord for Your patience as this works through me .....as You....in me.